Like a pair of stressed ostriches, Alistair Cook and Peter Moores bury their heads in the sand at every turn as the England team lurch from one disaster to another. The attitude on display by this pair of dreamers makes the charge of the light brigade look like a sensible decision by comparison.
Lets face a few facts shall we ?
Since Moores took over from Flower, we have had the old pals act of vengeance, with Flower settling KP's future by not selecting him, thus neatly side stepping the fact that Moores was never going to want KP anywhere near the test side.
Had it been for the South African text mess then it would have been fully understood, but not when after an utter thrashing you get rid off your highest run scorer in the series. Yes KP can be a prat at times,so what ?.
He is not the first talented player to be an idiot ( see Warner and Watson ), manage them, that's part of the job !
Then the Ashes was rearranged to give England full preparation for the world cup, so they go to Sri Lanka on slow pitches to prepare for fast bouncy tracks, loving that one.
They drop Hales, a guy who can win a match on his own and bring in Ballance, a left handed Trott in scoring terms but not as afraid of the short ball. You leave Carberry, KP and others at home and singularly fail to qualify out of the group stages. Utter disaster that heads in Australia would definitely roll for.
Then you fail to beat a mediocre ( yes Graves is right ), West Indies team shorn of it's best players by the IPL. Preferring to purr around Anderson breaking Botham's record ( stats can lie ), whilst watching the public humiliation of Trott who is shot against the short ball and should never have been out there, i wonder Moores didn't analyse the data before taking him.
Then they try and put a positive spin on what was a truly mundane performance. Mediocrity is the word to describe every England venture since you so spinelessly handed the Ashes over to us. What the hell do you think the summer will bring ? It's not a bloody garden party !
Former players are rushing to defend England, is anyone else irritated as hell by Swann's cheeky chappy routine with the insipid Ed Smith on Test Match Special ?. If i hear one more time how Swann is such good mates with Jimmy Anderson i may throw up.
What a good mate, so much so Swann abandoned his good mate to face the bullets and pissed off home halfway through the tour with his injury. Nothing at all to do with the fact that Amla having shown how to deal with Swann was not lost on the Aussie batsmen who then collared him to all parts like a club bowler.Could have stayed and carried the drinks but then one suspects that's what he was being penciled in for in the next test anyway..ego anyone ?.
Then there is Harmison, who decides Boycott's no nonsense, utterly accurate summing up was disgraceful, i think he must have written that piece in his bedroom on his laptop as had he had to be more than five miles away he might have gotten homesick.
Then we have the supremo fiasco, oh my life !! Did you really expect Vaughan who was driven into retirement by injury and Moore's obsessiveness would want any part of a set up he was involved in ?
Bring back Downton because only a bit of a banker would have anything to do with the current regime.Strauss is ideal in that regard, think he wants KP back ? Tee Hee.
Here is what is going to happen..England's top three will score so slowly that by the time the second new ball comes round you will be 200-4 and then collapse to 250 all out, instead of being 270-3 then losing wickets to the new ball is covered and making 400.
Thanks to Anderson, who only gets wickets in England or easy away tours,you will probably beat NZ unless Brendon smashes him out of the attack. Williamson and Boult however are the keys to any New Zealand success.
As for the Ashes, well what can i say. You've had it. Warner will club early runs, Smith and co will see us get around 400 every time then Johnson,Starc,Harris and Lyon will do the rest. By the way Broad don't bother taking guard, if you are standing at square leg to bat then you don't need one.
It gives me no pleasure to say this because when we beat the Poms i do, like every Australian like to gloat, but i won't this time, it's a bit silly of me to write about the non contest this summer and all England's failings afterward. It hurts me to say this but i actually do feel genuinely sorry for England cricket fans as we will win at least three tests without breaking sweat.We actually only feel good when we beat a good fully functioning England team in a close contest.
Waste of our fucking time coming over to be honest !